The Satchwell report

We submitted a second FOI request to Sandwell council, a follow up asking for clarification on various points within their response to the first FOI request.

We have obtained the so called “briefing report”, issued to Cabinet member, councillor Maria Crompton who gave verbal approval for the culls to take place. What we did not know previously, was which officer had issued this report. WE NOW KNOW THAT IT WAS JOHN SATCHWELL, SENIOR PARKS MANAGER WHO LIVES IN VICTORIA PARK TIPTON, AND SERIAL LIAR CONCERNING “RELOCATION” OF GEESE. This report just underlines the liars desire to influence personal interests using public money. It also contains no citations into how the evidence of claims against the geese has been compiled, and is little more than a hatchet scapegoating job against one species.



There is no indication as to whom had suggested this report’s efficacy in the first place, though we can probably guess. He quotes a figure of 700 geese being present in this April 2013 report, yet Cabinet member Maria Crompton’s statement to the media issued after the story of the cull had broken in late August 2014 states her quoted directly With more than 1,000 geese grazing in our parks …..“. The discrepancy in numbers would suggest the invention of the figures, plucked out of thin air by a hot headed liar.

We would not dispute the opening paragraphs of Satchwell’s report, except the number of goose number figures, but these points build up to present a false picture. It is not the case that all geese breed, and that they remain on the site where they hatch, continuing to breed on that site like rabbits out of a hat. Evidence of individual birds would need to be presented to confirm this. What studies can be cited here?

We have rubbished the claims about public health and goose droppings, which reveal a phobia of both this species and excrement. It is interesting that former Senior Countryside Ranger , the non-native Roy Croucher, alleges a more productive rate of 1 every four minutes– he obviously has his stop watch set doing the four minute pile! Paths can be cleaned using road sweepers. They are not employed enough in the formal parks. Sick and excrement of many animals, including human is not uncommon. We have numerous alcoholic beverage containers left behind in the shelters at Victoria park and around the pools at Dartmouth park.

The claims of algal blooms are nonsense. No one in any scientific study can substantiate that goose droppings alone are responsible for causing algal blooms. This is the council that have suggested introducing “ornamental ducks” instead of Canada geese, so why is their shit less “toxic” than that of a gooses? The comment about fish stocks are laughable. Some local anglers claimed that they were not catching any fish in Victoria park Tipton, no doubt citing those mysterious Eastern Europeans were  taking them all. Following a netting operation by the environment agency, they found that the pool was actually overstocked- most likely as a result of illegal transfer of fish which is absolutely rife in the black country if not the entire UK, and has been by “the natives” for years.

Canada geese have many “natural” predators, as well as many unnatural ones such as powerlines, pollution and dogs.


  • How is there a high reproduction rate when the council purport to have been using egg pricking measures over many years? We know that this has not been the case.
  • He mentions suitable habitat- where is that exactly, when he identifies that they are herbivores  that eat organic matter but should not be allowed to graze on grass on sports pitches near to his house? There are no natural plants around Victoria park pool. They were not all eaten by the geese. In his time as Parks manager why has he not acted to rectify this? It just reveals the legacy of a piss poor parks manager when he can’t even fix issues of conservation 200 metres from his house. Not to mention the non- growth of vegetation on the islands nuked with pesticides. Who carried this out we wonder and for what purpose? Was it all about the geese back then too?
  • The “damage” to parks and lakes is negligible. What damage are they talking about? How do they measure this, and what rectification measures do they have to put in place to repair this “damage” ? Footballers and those using “amenity” pitches across Sandwell cause major rubbish issues for the council to clear up. We know this goes on, we have spoken to council staff about their concerns, as well as leaving changing rooms/showers trashed and muddy. But the council will not pass comment because they want their money out of sport. The same is true of rubbish left behind by anglers at the waterside.

We also have “the trotters” who think that it is acceptable to race horses in little carts on some parks churning up the grass, as well as people taking chunks out of grass playing golf. In addition those who ride motorbikes across parks, as well a council workers themselves constantly re-cutting grass too often damages grassed areas.

Grass has been cut on some formal parks, such as Farley park and then left to be set on fire by vandals.

  • What evidence can be presented that the geese have damaged other birds nests by trampling? If you get fools trespassing on the islands pricking goose eggs, then who is to say that they are not disturbing other nesting birds, which of course they would be.
  • Fencing around “the duck pond” at Dartmouth park was put in after they had killed geese in 2013. This was supposedly offered at the time as restoring the park to “how it used to be”, no doubt to pacify the much deluded “Friends of Dartmouth park” (one woman as far as we can make out) vision of what a park should look like.

Fenced in- is this council out to make “a zoo” out of wildfowl?

During this year, the main pool at Dartmouth park was also deliberately drained supposedly to restore the bankside, but which had obviously been left to slip for many years. Caring Sandwell council decided to undertake the work in the middle of the nesting season, where we observed birds that had made nests on the water abandon them, because they were no longer in water.


A bone dry island




  • The “evidence” does not exist. It is merely a set of statements without any scrutiny, and is particularly non site specific.
  • What percentage can be measured when their figures that they give for goose numbers are unknown, varying between 700 and 1000?

In the moult period, ( lasting between late July and early August), and given incorrectly by Satchwell here when they would still be hatching goslings, geese gather from a greater range of areas that would not be from just the local formal parks. This gathering is transient and lasts a matter of a few weeks. It is unfortunate that it occurs in the summer months when there are more people using the parks, who notice that there are “more geese”. The geese probably notice that there are more people too, but don’t propose a cull. Satchwell does not factor this into the equation, because he knows nothing about bird movements or goose behaviour.

  • A year on year cull means that he has intention to destroy all the geese in Sandwell’s parks. We have no doubt that this is what this lying bully wants to do.
  • There was nothing “professional” about the company that they employed, as demonstrated by our recorded footage. Asking members of the public to help them, spitting on the grass, telling multiple lies, “we don’t kill birds mate” etc, as well as then illegally releasing geese at an RSPB nature reserve to try to cover their tracks regarding members of the public who opposed their rounding up and transport of the geese, show they are an amateur sham.

Here we have Satchwell not only presenting a pack of lies to the cabinet member  (his own personal opinions about Canada geese), but the nugget of his report’s purpose. He had obviously already identified that this could facilitate removal of geese from outside his house, and the fact that his namesake son, who no doubt only got the job in Dartmouth park because of who his father was, could be achieved using public money.

The outcome for Sandwell council from this selfish Satchwell action has been for him to bring it into disrepute, and for the council to be slated in the national press.


  •  To remove habitat for geese to thrive, get rid of the sports pitches. It might give him more ample parking space for the multiple cars on his drive.
  • Attempting to discourage the feeding of geese is nonsense, a smokescreen from the council’s decision to cull and illogical given that they would then feed more on the grass no doubt- which appears to be the focus point of his anti-wildfowl report.  To do this and to apply fairness, then stopping feeding of the fish in the park pools would also be necessary, i.e stop angling would have to be introduced in addition. Multiple foodstuffs are thrown into the water, both floating and sinking baits as well as meat in the form of ground bait and maggots. These types of material can be far more damaging than goose mess in stagnant pools leading to botulism.

The cost of the proposal shows just how little this council care about wildlife in its parks. How much would it cost to replace the killed birds with the “ornamental ducks”?


LOL, Oh you bet!


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